


His Adam

by yukiawison



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 05:51:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5993839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiawison/pseuds/yukiawison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew he wasn't his father, but sometimes he got scared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Adam

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of past sexual and physical abuse.

Ronan was on top of him. God did that feel funny to say. Ronan was on top of him kissing him and sticking his tongue down his throat and his hands were on either side of his shoulders, and Adam's hands were rubbing circles on Ronan's hips and they'd never gone this far before but Ronan was tugging off his shirt and reaching for the hem of Adam's.

"Is this okay Parrish?" He asked, panting slightly. "Because we can stop if it isn't."

"No," Adam breathed. "Don't stop, it's okay."

And Ronan was grinning, and pulling down his jeans and kissing Adam's neck and his hands were on Adam's waistband and suddenly it was too much.

He felt light headed and sick and shaky. And it was wrong.

"Ronan, Ronan," he gasped, and pushed him off. "No, I...I can't, I'm sorry," he sat up and looked down at his quivering hands.

"What's wrong? What happened? What did I do? Did I hurt you?" Ronan's eyes were wide. "What happened?"

Adam shook his head. "It wasn't you, it was..." Suddenly it had felt overwhelming. Suddenly he had remembered something his father always said to his mother.

"If you didn't give me sex you'd be dead in a gutter somewhere," the words were laced with booze. There was the taste of blood in Adam's mouth and a bruise blooming on his cheek. His mother was crying: a cigarette burn. Robert Parrish was trying out something new. "Without sex you're nothing to me."

"Ronan I don't think I can. I'm sorry," he choked. 

"Hey," Ronan put a hand on his back and he flinched. "I'm sorry," he pulled his hand away. "We can take it slower. It's alright. There's nothing to apologize for." He put his shirt back on.

"It's just..." Adam could feel the words clogging his throat and choked back tears. 

"What is it? You can tell me," Ronan said gently, and gentle was rare in his nature to anyone besides Chainsaw and Adam.

"My father, only used my mom for sex. He only...cared about getting sex out of her. You don't...I mean I know you like me for more than...but I got scared for a moment. I wasn't sure you..." 

"Parrish it's not like that. You've got to know it isn't like that with us."

"I know," Adam said, because he did. He did know that. After everything: the forest that was after him, fear filled caves, devastating prophecies, it had to be different from what his parents had...or rather didn't have.

"Please, don't hit him again," there was blood on her face, a steady drip on the kitchen table. Adam's chest burned, probably from the boot to his gut. 

"If you don't give me what I want this is what happens." He pulled Adam up and everything went dark.

"Parrish, hey Parrish where'd you go?" He felt faint and tried to focus on Ronan's face in front of him. There was a leaf behind his ear, damn Cabeswater, it never let him hide. "And don't say it's nothing because you know I know that's bullshit," he said, pulling the leaf from behind his ear. 

I don't want that. I don't want what they had. Somehow I'll always convince myself that I can't be any better than my father. How can I tell him that?

"I don't want to be my dad." Ronan got up and took a few steps back, whether to give Adam room or create room for himself to process Adam wasn't sure.

"You're not your dad," another leaf had appeared behind his ear, and a root was curling around his wrist. "You are nothing like your dad."

"I feel like him when I get angry, out of control, like I want to hurt something." 

"But you don't," Ronan finished. "Which is more than most people can say. It's more than I can say," Adam thought about the hole in Gansey's wall, and the smashed plates.

"It's a horrible feeling Lynch," his voice broke. The root curled farther up Ronan's arm, clinging to him for dear life.

"But you're not alone in it Adam." Adam, his name. He was more than a Parrish he was Adam. Ronan's boyfriend, Gansey's best friend, Blue's magician. He was something to the supernatural forces of Henrietta. He was connected to Noah and to Cabeswater and to the women of 300 Fox Way. He wasn't unknowable any longer, he was Adam. And he wasn't Robert.

And before he knew it Ronan was wiping hot tears from his face, the root was tangled in his shirt now, curling around his chest.

"It's okay. I'm here." And there wasn't a fist, no rough hands, no brute smudging his mother's makeup. There was just Ronan Lynch by his side, wiping away his tears, telling him to breath, touching him gently and with cautious hands. Reminding him that he was Adam. His Adam.


End file.
